You are too emotional
I think I was about 17 or 18 years old. I had almost finished High School and needed to choose what study I would like to do. There where so many choices and I just didn’t know, so my parents took me to a psychologist that was trained to do career choice tests.
I don’t know much about what all went on that day, but I do have some memories about the area. It was an old house with a little park in front. Also I remember that, from my perspective, the psychologist was and old lady.
Vividly I remember the advice this lady gave to me and my mum: “Linda is to emotional, so a hospitality management school is not a good fit for her. I advise that Linda goes to a chocolate baking school”. A chocolate baking school??? Really?
Oké, don’t get me wrong, I do love chocolate, but nothing in me likes to make chocolates. Looking back at this experience, I’m just wondering how she ever did come up with this advice.
I’m also wondering if this is where I started to believe, that emotions are not a good thing to have. If you are emotional you can’t pursue, what you like or what you are good at? For your information I did go to the hospitality management school and looking back at it, it was a good fit for the person who I am.
My next vivid memory around the topic of emotions is on the Aconcagua in Argentina. To be exact it was on camp 3, called Campo Cólera, on 5900 meters altitude. On this day I abandoned my attempt to reach the summit, due to high altitude sickness. Instead I went back to camp 3 and sat in my tent. After a while two male teammates also came back. To get through the day we played cards together in one of the tents and we talked. What I remember is that they both said to me “Yes Linda but you are so emotional”. Isn’t interesting that after 17 years I still remember this and while writing it down I see a picture of the conversation in my head.
These are just 2 encounters, due to which I have internalised that emotions are not good to have. I’m sure that I can come up with much more situations in which I was told or I heard that having emotions is not a good thing. And I’m also sure that you also have several of these encounters within your memories.
Internalising this message is, in the her and now, that keeps me away from embracing my true self. It keeps me away from really showing up for who I am. It keeps me away from being proud of myself and it keeps me away from sharing what my core business is.
Becoming aware of the above is why I’m writing this article.
Yes I’m a person that is in contact with her emotions. Yes I’m a person that is aware of her emotions. Yes I talk easily about my emotions and I don’t mind sharing my emotions with others. Yes, my core business is to help people recognise their emotions, so that they can makes sense of what is going on in their inner theatre. This way they can make good choices in the here and now. Choices that are not steered by past, unresolved and or unknown, emotions.
No, I’m not yet 100% proud of myself for being good with and at emotions. I’m still steered by the internalised messages about emotions. But I’m aware of it. Awareness being the first step for change, I’m doing good.
Although Marc Brackett, Brene Brown, Daniel Goleman and many others have researched and written about how positive it is to be in contact and or to give attention to our emotions, it’s still not the most highly rated trait.
Why don’t we value soft skills as highly as hard skills? I would like to state the following:
“our emotions are our personal guide
towards our Personal Gold”
The first step towards more awareness and connections with your emotions is to slow down. Because only if you slow down you can start to feel. My advice to you is to just stop several times a day with whatever you are doing and ask yourself, what am I feeling at this moment?
If you have difficulties naming your emotions. Or you can’t get any further than scared, angry, happy or sad. Then I advise you to look at the Mood Meter from Marc Brackett. I hereby share the Mood Meter from Mark Brackett.
Linda Wes Consultancy | Linda Wes
#emotions #brenebrown #markbrackett #danielgoleman #mentalising #mentalizing #EMC #INSEAD #Coaching #leadershipdevelopment
